The Ghost of High Christmas Expectations

From Dec. 5, 2009 -

My little girl and I went to see the Nutcracker puppet show at the library. I was so uptight about being late that I almost ruined the whole dang experience. So often I have this attitude like "WE WILL BE HAPPY! WE WILL HAVE FUN!! WE WILL HAVE THE PERFECT EXPERIENCE EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!!!"

Fortunately, My girl was her bright and shiny self, even though she boycotted her morning nap. She had more fun looking and smiling at the kids than looking at the puppets. Once again, learning important lessons from a 13 month old child.

Today (Dec. 20, 2009) - I read a passage from a book by Buddhist Nun Pema Chodron that summed up my frantic desire to have everything just right. "The key to feeling at home with your body, mind and emotions, to feeling worthy to live on this planet, comes from being able to lighten up. This earnestness, this seriousness about everything in our lives - including practice - this goal-oriented, we're-going-to-do-it-or-else attitude, is the world's greatest killjoy. There's no sense of appreciation because we're so solemn about everything."

You can say that again.

Last night, we trimmed our cute little Charlie Brown Christmas tree. I'll post a picture if I get a chance. My husband bought it because I was getting uptight about it getting so close to Christmas and all we had was our ugly tiny fake tree that can't stand up under all my heavy ornaments. So he picked one up while I was at work and the first thing I thought when I saw it was -- what's up with the scrawny tree? He even paid full price for it (he totally got took) - but I didn't say anything -- you know why? 'Cause he's not into Christmas, and doesn't care about a tree. He did the Christmas tree thing for me, so why am I then gonna criticize because it's not perfect? Besides, just like with Charlie Brown's tree, someone's gotta love the scrawny ones too. So we listed to the Jackson 5 Christmas album and actually had fun putting the ornaments on. And I'm trying to learn to have fun even when things aren't perfect. One day at a time.